Fear Of Sex – What It Is, Causes And Consequences

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If you have a fear of intimacy, you probably think you are the only person in the world who suffers from this problem, but you are not. In fact, it is estimated that approximately 4.5% of those who visit sexology clinics suffer from sex phobia.

If you constantly avoid intercourse, if sexual contact causes you stress or if it bothers you when your partner kisses you or even touches you, it is likely that you have an aversion to intimacy.

Recognising your problem is the first step – you’re in the right place!

What is sex phobia?

People who feel aversion to sexual intercourse avoid intimate contact with their partners and, over time, may lose their sexual desire completely. In fact, they not only experience a repulsion towards intercourse but also towards intimacy, so that in the most extreme cases they may reject any kind of approach from their partner, especially if they believe it may have sexual connotations, such as kissing and caressing.

Fear of sex involves different feelings, from fear to repulsion, disgust, disgust or anxiety about any type of behaviour that has sexual overtones. In some cases, the very idea of intimate contact triggers these reactions.

There are different types of rejection:

– You have always experienced fear of intimacy.

– You only experience fear of intimacy with a particular partner.

– Post-traumatic. The problem has arisen as a result of a traumatic experience linked to sexuality.

This type of sexual phobia is more common in women. In fact, in some cases the aversion focuses on specific aspects of sexual intercourse, such as vaginal penetration or genital secretions.

Some people experience only mild anxiety, but others experience great psychological distress. In more advanced stages, panic attacks, fainting, nausea, dizziness and breathing difficulties may occur.

If you suffer from this problem, you probably realise that the fear is completely irrational, but you still cannot control the overwhelming desire to stay away from situations that may involve intimate contact.

As a result, you are likely to use different strategies to avoid these situations, such as going to bed too early or too late, neglecting your personal appearance in order to be unattractive, or keeping yourself too busy.

Causes of fear of sex

The causes of fear of intimacy are diverse, among the most common are the following:

Rigid and puritanical upbringing. In many cases, behind the phobia of sex lies a family history of sexual repression. These are people who were taught as children that intimacy was something negative or “dirty”, so they have developed a deep aversion to intimacy in a couple’s relationship.

Traumatic sexual experiences. In some cases the fear of intimacy is the result of an unpleasant experience, either in early sexual intercourse or because the person has been a victim of rape or abuse.

Sexual dysfunction. Sometimes, sex phobia is rooted in a sexual disorder that makes intimacy unpleasant or even painful, such as vaginismus or dyspareunia (painful intercourse). In some cases, anorgasmia, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction can also lead to a decrease in desire or even an aversion to intimacy.

In addition to the above, there are some factors that fuel fear of intimacy, such as relationship problems, feeling uncomfortable with one’s body, having low self-esteem, suffering from anxiety or depression, or love OCD, developing unrealistic expectations about sexual intercourse, or being afraid of getting pregnant.

It has also been found that people with a fear of intimacy are more likely to suffer from generalised anxiety and other phobias.

In fact, sex phobia has a very important anxiogenic component. You are likely to experience different situations as threatening, even though they are not. What happens is that you focus your attention on the discomfort, instead of focusing on enjoying the relationship. By constantly watching your reactions, you add extra tension that gets in the way of pleasure.

In this situation, the sympathetic nervous system is activated because it has perceived a threat. As a result, your breathing rate increases, you start sweating, your muscles tense up and you feel your heart beating faster. Obviously, it is impossible to have pleasurable intercourse in this state, so you gradually identify intimacy with something negative.

Consequences of sex rejection

Everyone is different and experiences this problem differently. However, if you are afraid of sex, you are likely to feel incomplete and live in a permanent state of anxiety because, on the one hand, you may want to have a normal sex life, but, on the other hand, you also feel afraid.

In fact, it is a very limiting sexual disorder, as it does not only affect the sexual level. We cannot forget that what distinguishes a couple’s relationship are precisely those moments of intimacy, which allow the two people to get along and hold each other together. That is why, when sexual relations become a problem, conflicts often arise in the couple as well.

When the disorder is severe, the person completely avoids situations that involve having to interact with potential partners. In other cases, they get into a vicious cycle of break-ups, because as the degree of intimacy in the relationship increases, they can’t stand it and break up. Obviously, this prevents them from maintaining long-lasting romantic relationships.